QUIET
hush yo' mouth
Silence when I spit it out
in yo' face
Open your mouth give you a taste
Ain't no stoppin me
Copywritten so don't copy me
Y'all do it sloppily
Missy Elliot - Get Ur Freak On
Dancers are not made of their technique, but their passion.I was a young sailor who had just been stationed in the DC area when I first met Rocco at the small Leather shop in town. Now I fully admit, I had been turned on by various books I had read like
The Leatherman’s Handbook but I had not intentionally gone out seeking any real experiences in it. Anyway Rocco asked if I wanted to join him that night for a drink at
The DC Eagle, which I had never gone to. I met him there and had a drink and during our conversation he introduced me to a very good-looking strikingly handsome man in full Leather sitting across from us by the name of John. In recounting to you that night I can only laugh at my ignorance little did I know that one; Rocco was a long time president for a
well known Motorcycle Club in town not to mention a remarkable leathersmith and two; John was a well known and highly respected Top.
Rocco left me in Johns care after a couple of drinks and John and I proceeded to talk some more. Then John noticed someone approaching us and asked me if I would be adverse to him indicating he and I were intending to leave together to this other person he termed a
"pushy bottom". Being that I had been drooling while staring intently into his beautiful blue eyes for the last hour hoping that he might just suggest such a thing, I readily agreed.
We actually did go back to his place where through little effort on his part I basically begged him to take me into a scene having absolutely no clue what I was asking for. I stripped and lay there expecting the typical few swats and a fuck I had thought would take place. Well, the flogging part I got right but one thing lead to another and next thing I know those beautiful blue eyes had me wordlessly accepting first one then another and another till the best way I can describe it I was literally pinned to his bed. Not with restraints, not with ropes or chains or anything I was expecting but with real fucking needles. John later admitted he was testing me, he was testing my limits and would have stopped at any time I wanted, but did so without any verbal negotiation and taking me farther than anyone would expect a total newbie to go and I had readily gone there to that other place in my mind, another part of me I had only a vague clue was there from being in intense training in the military. Well at least up to a point that is, the moment I let myself realize exactly what had been done and exactly how many of those damn needles were sticking out of my hide, well I am sure you know what happened next, you bet, I FREAKED! All I can recall was the way John soothed me, had me stare directly into his eyes, a primitive way of creating that connection we would later have without any eye contact, it would not be the last time we did this and just as attentively as he had before he pulled each and every one of those needles out as painlessly as it had gone in. I knew from that day on in the darkest part of my soul, I was his.
Now what I just recounted to you is a story, a vignette detailing my first real Leather experience with a well trained and exceedingly experienced Top. This is roughly the same type of structure you will find in
The Leatherman’s Handbook and it contains many of the same issues with it’s lack of safety advice and all around lack of setup as I have so far given you. In 1972
The Leatherman's Handbook was published written by Larry Townsend a journalist with a particular interest in Leather sex. Larry basically covers allot of ground concerning strictly Gay S&M, unfortunately with no particular great detail, such subjects as Bondage, Equipment, Finding a partner, Assuming Roles, etc etc. Each subject usually comes with a particular short story attached to illustrate the concepts involved.
Some of the information is so basic that it can’t help but be accurate. Although some things like the whole chapter he writes titled
Of Friendship and Lovers is highly questionable and seems to promote Larry Townsend’s personal view of the people involved in S&M and their ability to form lasting relationships between Top and bottoms. The thing that bugs me is this information is uniformly dressed up in the same matter of fact tone of general advice as the rest of the book making no particular claim of simply being his personal belief. Not to mention allot of the stories in the book also reflect this personal view making me at least wonder about validity in if he actually witnessed this or that act taking place in some cases.
So as to it’s importance for simply being the first how-to book written concerning this subject, that my friends is indisputable, but in regards to it’s reputation as a compendium of Leather sex the book in my opinion sadly falls short in providing any depth of information in the how-tos in going about doing these things. There have been many other books published that provide a greater understanding and far more explicit and detailed information.
Ties That Bind by
Guy Baldwin or
Leathersex by
Joseph W. Bean cover far more ground and with greater depth. Then there are books taking only certain subjects and focusing on them in an almost meditative way like
Joseph Bean’s Flogging who writes so lovingly about it I swear I had a crush on the man after I finished reading it. I personally believe by simply adding these few books to your library you will be far more informed than anything you might get out of
The Leatherman’s Handbook that was always seen mainly as more Erotica than reality.
While were on this particular subject of S&M how-tos I have to be honest here I can't recommend this type of thing
"for everyone" because it's not. If there is one thing true about S&M and allot of other things about the Leather community in general is it is not some sort of group therapy session for those seeking escapism or to work out their personal issues, believe me it can tend to cause more issues, no matter how many people run around repeating that mantra
"Safe, sane and consensual". Honestly you will not learn what I hold most dear from any book I know of on the subject or from some incomplete list on the Internet or from attending some
beauty pageant/Leather event and most certainly not from reading this stupid rambling review. The essence of what I know I was taught not because I sought it out in particular but because I was given an opportunity from someone with a great deal of experience at the right place and time when I was also willing to receive it.
The things John taught me were not just a dry list of restrictions, some you will find on the Internet, to be written out and memorized for regurgitation during some ritualistic quiz. In reality the various lists you see are simply an imperfect rough draft, a sketch of the main ideals and principals (the code) around how you should hold yourself in private and in public. They only provide a framework that extends outside the dungeon or the scene for all this how-to information. They are taught to you by example, they are communicated intimately like that eye contact I told you about, they are presented to you from hard won experience and belief that they provide meaning to the age old actions and interactions you become apart of, they give you direction in who you are and why you are doing these things. They were presented to me in respect to the current stage of growth of the relationship I was in, the current scene I was doing at the time or the item I was being entrusted with. To be honest in the few 4 or 5 years I had with John I do not for one-minute feel I ever was or ever will be in full knowledge of what he had to teach me.
Now don't get me wrong we were not monks or insulated away from the rest of the Leather community. There were many scenes we did publicly onstage at
Mr. Mid-Atlantic Leather or at other events but I always realized we were somehow different, we held ourselves apart following a particular strict line of ethics in a fierce sense of pride and honor. I never felt like I was part of some reform school scene, I was rarely ever stopped short and corrected especially in public if for example someone else being ignorant of even the most basic symbols in Leather tried to pick me up or make advances on me while I stood there behind John with my shirt off and my chain clearly visible at some event, that person would most certainly not be lectured for the transgression and he would have no clue of what he had done. By some action or by some silent indication John communicated to me, because I was his responsibility and he took that responsibility seriously, intensely, and personally like most other things in his life, I would simply know I had messed up in some way or someone else had and at some later time he would calmly explain it or there might be some punishment involved.
I know I fail miserably in finding the words to describe what I have experienced and I most certainly do not have the ability to communicate those things so clearly that it would somehow click on that circuit in your brain so that during a flogging you suddenly understand that it is not in the stroke used or the force used or the length of time but in that almost visible connection with that other person that takes you beyond the pain being given and focuses you instead on the giving of yourself. I can't describe or diagram some elaborate suspension or bondage scene and provide a way of how to get beyond the very important aspects of points of support and the use of restraints or some of the dangers involved and instead exalt in the total trust and the depth of commitment being displayed and the mutual needle point focus of attention and love that I have experienced. I honestly can't relate to you all the complex feelings of acceptance I had walking into
The DC Eagle (If you're ever there say hi for me to my big brother Carl, who works there, and tell him to call his little brother more often. DAMN IT!) that first night together with John in an old leather jacket and pair of chaps he abruptly handed me and commanded me to put on and wear whenever we went out or the world shaking feelings of belonging and pride and love I felt the time he suddenly physically turned me around that night when we were busily getting ready to go out to some event and I suddenly felt that ice cold chain around my neck and heard the lock snap shut or the feeling of accomplishment I felt when years later I realized I was without thinking, without even effort, falling in step behind him when we walked or that all he had to do was hold his glass in a certain way at the bar and I would automatically get him another drink.
But what is a slave without a master or a master without a slave? The best advice I could give you is the simplest truth,
IF you are looking for those things I have just talked about, the things hinted at in these books, those nebulous meanings behind all these seemingly rough or violent images and actions that turn you on and get you off from reading this or any other S&M book or perhaps after partaking in one of those scenes yourself... You simply have to go and find that special person, one on one, a like minded person with whom you can give your trust to, whom you can give yourself to, and who can physically and intimately teach you some of these things from priceless experience and that unfortunately is not an easy thing to do but it is essential and can't be bought but most certainly is paid for.
I could no more recommend you personally putting the amount of effort that I put into learning these things like John taught me anymore than I would tell you off handedly to join the
Navy for ten years as I have done or hey, just go get a Bachelors degree in Computer Science or go have some sort of religious experience. This lifestyle, this unique perspective, and these beliefs changed my life much like those other things I did in some good ways and maybe in some bad ways too. I'm not going to argue about the rigid disciplinarian aspects of the type of Leather that I was trained in anymore than I would argue over the rigid disciplinarian aspects I learned being in the military. But... I think John gave me back ten fold the effort I put into it. The side benefits were I made some life long friends along the way, joined a
well known Motorcycle Club, experienced being a part of one of those major Leather events for several years. I enjoyed those other aspects of the Leather community and got to know and respect many people in fact some of my brothers also believed in these same things, this protocol, I do and whom I hope despite the implications of others are still healthy and vital and still hopefully teaching what I consider to be the core values of Leather.
In the end I am simply attempting badly to relate my experience here and I am not presenting myself as some sort of guru on this subject or some sort of teacher, I only wish I had developed that type of persistence and patience, nor do I want to get in your pants or have you buy my book or attend my seminar. I just want to say to those whom are looking for something beyond the image and the sex and some of the more tired and seedy things the Leather community has become, yep it's still out there. I wish you the best. -
DickieInsight to what's going on
Information keeps us strong
What you don't know can hurt you bad
Janet Jackson - The Knowledge
