Teddy Pig's Guide To Excruciatingly Painful Basic Leather Protocol

Wearing Yourself Out


As a bottom it's easier to write this like I'm talking to another bottom, in this case my good friend Kenjie, say Hi Kenjie. Any Tops reading this please forgive me there is no disrespect intended.

Let's start with the extreme basics and address all those things you should know by now even if it's boring because, believe you me, I'll make sure to throw a few zingers you may not have known your way and I am sure I may get the most objections from this whole article right on this page. Nothing is more personal and has more meaning than the Leather you wear.

In fact most of the Leather I own, being a bottom, was given to me. My jacket, my pants, all my toys and even the vest with my clubs patch was given to me or handed down or bought for me, it does not matter how, what matters is the meaning, my Brothers in Leather, the very important people who defined my knowledge and experience in Leather, are there in every article that makes up how I look when I go out. Now I'm not perfect, yes there are a pair of chaps in my closet I had to buy when I went on a run with my club because by that time John was gone and I had gained too much weight for the pants and I wanted to look my best since I don't get back to DC much but...

You get the idea right? Here's a MAJOR concept for you, bottoms are PROPERTY, plain, simple and to the point. So, if you are a bottom do not go out shopping and getting pierced and thinking that's gonna get you into the "real" Leather Scene quicker by implying you have experience. Think about it, what are you doing not providing a good Top the ability to own your ass properly???


Hygiene
Nothing really changes here, Keep it clean! I know there is all that porn out there talking about stinkin sweaty arm pits and such but... I do not think anyone "you want" is gonna pick your ass up if you smell like you have not showered in three days. So douche inside and out, OK? Until commanded otherwise hopefully. Oh, and stay away from smelly soaps and colognes and perfumes. I don't care if they are Leather scented or manly. Nothing will make a more noticeable entrance at the Leather Bar of your choice than you showing up smelling of Paco Rabanne and no they won't be laughing "with you".

I also suggest from my experience if you are even thinking of doing a scene (ropes, restraints, lots of crawling...) I can't recommend enough that you start using something like Dove Unscented or Olay Unscented soaps. If you get seriously wrecked by a flogger or paddle keep a bar of Aveeno Oatmeal Soap and a big bottle of Eucerin Lotion around just in case. Hey these worked for me, but I like keeping as much of my skin as natural looking and in as close to one piece as possible.
Less questions at the office and all that.

What you are wearing is basically biker wear. That's right the whole Gay Male BDSM look is derived from the Motorcycle Clubs and all the rules regarding wearing Leather comes from them. So that means these days Black Leather and lots of it. Used to be back in the old days a bottom wore brown. Now it's Black Leather for all and the why is sorta interesting. See, Leather Shops used to get their hides without the black dye so the cheapest stuff was brown. So, if a Top was buying a bottom all his shit well the bottoms got brown, as it should be. Well, these days no one gets hides in brown they are all pre-dyed black so... Now ya know. Oh and do not mix brown with Black Leather, not even the belt or boots; Black with Black always. The metal should always match so if you get brass stay with brass, if you get chrome stay with chrome.
No silver and gold together or you'll look like a god damned fucking Christmas Present.

Now let's start from the Top and go down.


Hats
If you are a bottom and NOT in a relationship, stay away from this! This falls under mixed signals and all that. Generally Tops are the only ones to wear hats or provide the all the necessary permission for you as a bottom to wear one.

Never touch the bill of a formal motorcycle cap (Those shiny Leather hats with the hard shiny bill on them and some have metal insignia attached to the front) in fact I generally recommend this with all Leather Caps, like Leather "Rebel Boys" or baseball caps including your own, IF you as a bottom are allowed to wear one.

Never touch another Leatherman's hat, helmet, cap, whatever... EVER, unless you are very intimate friends or lovers or if you want to get beaten within an inch of your sorry ass life. Hell, don’t touch anything Leather that belongs to someone else without his explicit permission and you’ll remain conscious and in one piece.


What Goes On Your Neck... Nothing
bottoms do not own collars and as a bottom looking for your Leather Top anything that looks like a collar or could be mistaken for a collar, means in terms of most traditional Leather Tops YOU ARE OFF LIMITS! So why would you want to give anyone mixed signals? Leave the jewelry at home in a safe place and if one day you get to wear a good Tops collar you will thank me.

Collars by the way have a lot of meaning in Gay Male BDSM so here are a few rules around that...

A bottom wearing a collar is a slave and belongs to the owner of the collar who has the keys.
Ok stop here, I'm going to give out some advanced information on this one, this rule is sorta ok, take a collar as a sign of commitment that the bottom is learning to be a slave. John gave me my collar but I was still not his slave, I was in training. So as a general rule treat bottoms wearing a collar as a slave, but for your knowledge hmmmm well, it may not be accurate.

A slave is an honored position of knowledge and experience and commitment to us bottoms, a slave to me is senior in any discussion and I would in public defer to them.
A little advanced information never hurts anyone right?

Other Tops are not to engage a collared bottom in conversation, but other bottoms may do so as long as they defer to the Top when present. In other words if a Top is there say hello quickly before continuing to speak to his bottom. Get permission and all that.

Should such a Gay Male BDSM relationship end; the collar must be returned to the Top. Or, in death take it off; I keep John's in a box with his Leather Cap. It is still not mine, get it? Collars mean a lot; keep that in mind as one of your goals.


Shirts & Shit
T-Shirts black or white, OK... if you are going to be traditional about it white is for bottoms. John always swore that I had to wear black t-shirts, so this whole thing about black or white t-shirts is pretty much a play-it-by-ear deal for any bottom. Red T-shirts? I hope your ass is well greased and that you know exactly what that color means.

Black Leather jackets, with epaulets thank you, and a vest of course and then there is the harness...

Oh my, the harness… Well, a lot of people go wrong right here. There are basically two different types of harness with variations around that. The two are the X and the Y. In a nutshell, if you got a chest but have a gut go X with no straps attached going down the body... Medium to wide strap, black leather and whatever studs that match. If you are a slim or medium chest but have no gut at all, go Y which usually attaches to a cock ring piece... same choices with the straps and studs.

AT NO TIME SHOULD YOU WEAR A HARNESS THAT HAMMOCKS YOUR BELLY! What I mean is, if for any reason the straps of the harness cannot stay next to your body at any point... TAKE IT OFF! If you have no chest and a gut... TAKE IT OFF! Do not go out looking like expensive luggage... with an attached handle.

Stay away from X and Y chain harnesses or chain attachments if you have ANY body hair and want to keep ANY body hair firmly attached to said body. Last hint... I generally call those people wearing little thin-strapped harnesses Madonna-bees, I bet you cannot guess why?

Shit, I better cover vests too since I'm telling you all about harnesses... The standard leather "Bar Vest" should only cover to your nipples in the front, it's main idea is to show off your chest. You have a chest right? If you have a chest get one, if you do not, don't wear a "Bar Vest". Get a more traditional type vest that closes in the front, in leather. A "Bar Vest" should hang no lower in the back than the bottom of your belt loops on your Levis.


What’s In Your Pants?
Leather Chaps and Leather Pants are always correct. As far as jeans go, Levis 501 or Wranglers Cowboy Boot Cut style jeans, nice and tight (Well, no butt shot baggy, Look at my Crack! jeans at least. Skin Tight depends on if you can get away with it really. Learn to be your own best judge.) in black or blue; and stay the hell away from shorts of any type. The only shorts I ever got away with, and I have been told I have nice legs, were Leather Bondage Shorts during a really hot summer day at a casual Leather Barbeque and I was in a relationship. Think of this as the Leather version of a full planetary alignment complete with a lunar eclipse... so just stick with the basics, NO shorts.

As far as underwear goes... unless you want someone to rip them off of your scrawny ass in the middle of the Leather Bar of your choice and I hope to god you do not have skid marks... none, zilch, nada! Ok, two exceptions to this rule but you did not hear it from me... Jock Straps; Preferably dirty or black if you as a bottom are allowed to wear one... and I ain’t heard no complaints yet. I said two, right? Ok, Red Union Suit One Piece Long Johns, (See what I'm doing, using fetish as a way around some hard fast rules? Anything to please the Top.) But... only in the DEAD of winter and you had better have a nice ass to pull it off.


Boots & Belts
As a bottom on the hunt you can go and get yourself some belts and boots to go with your jeans. See, you won't be totally naked. Now, about boots, Black, Leather, boots, no high heels.
Huh? more information... I love the Wesco JobMaster, great top of the line brand if you are looking for a lace-up. Carolina makes a damn good Engineer, those biker slip on boots, just remember to make sure they fit around the ankle. I know that sounds weird but it will bother you faster than you might think. Then there are the boots I swore by for years, Frye which makes a damn sweet, affordable, Harness boot. Anyway, those are the big brands and about all I have time to go into.
You want to know when you've struck fucking gold in gay Leather Shops? Find one with good quality plain Black Leather, medium width, belts in all sizes then let me know. Oh, and IF you want to be laughed at in the local Leather Bar of your choice... Wear tennis shoes with your chaps or Leather Pants. Take my word for it and never EVER wear tennis shoes while dressed in Leather and then actually go to a bar. There is no excuse, you did it on purpose and you will be made fun of.


Miscellaneous Bullshit
Key ring or wallet chain left or right, you know what I mean, top or bottom. Go figure it out.
Hankies, oh lord like I have time to tell you about that shit? Hankies are for the Players, not the serious. "One night only" ring a bell? Use em if that's what “you want”. Grown adults who are seriously into Leather should be able to verbalize what they are looking for in a clear and concise manner; it's fun!


Wearing Your Own Toys
Remember how I said all my toys were given to me. So why in gods name are YOU, a bottom, wearing toys on your belt (Whips, floggers, handcuffs, etc etc) while out at the bar looking for a Top??? I don't really care what side you are wearing them on. It's another mixed signal. It's presumptive; it can be considered somewhat "pushy". Lord knows I do not want you to be considered a "pushy bottom". If you got toys, good for you, leave them at home with the jewelry. Unless you are requested to do otherwise, but then you already have a Top telling you what to do. So, why are you listening to me?

Never wear another man's leather unless he puts it on you himself.

Enough said.

Table of Contents:
Breaking Silence
Wearing Yourself Out
Belonging
Outside Looking In
The Drawing Of The Line

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