Putting The Grizzly Back Into Bear

Today is Jason's Birthday! 34 years old (Yeah! I robbed the cradle what about it?) and the best partner EVA! So what did I get him? Well to start, tickets to Cirque Du Soleil: Corteo for Thursday night, an old Recoil 12 inch I found at Amoeba Records, and this crazy messed up Bear. Well maybe not all that messed up as you would think at first.

Yesterday in the bright morning sunshine I was walking down Haight Street just past Ashbury wondering what the hell I was gonna get him when I saw Kid Robot a store with all these vinyl and plush figures that are partly cartoon and partly twisted and dark and mostly very adult. I loved the store immediately. I knew Jason would appreciate this little guy with his grey fur, poseable metal insides and blood spattered mouth and claws. A very realistic take on an image that has been coerced and cartooned and parodied beyond recognition or much meaning like allot of other things in our community.

There I was sitting around on the back patio of the SF Eagle clutching this Bear and waiting for Jason and a couple of friends of ours from our apartment building to show up. A young straight couple we know that we have spent time hanging out with and partying. How to describe them?…They are partially Punk with a mix of Goth and one of them, the guy wears a collar. Even though we have never discussed our particular fetishes or lifestyles out right I was extremely comfortable in them coming with us to the Eagle. It's not like that bar is hardcore or in-your-face these days. Hell, several of the guys have brought their mothers in there.

Obviously with this silly Bear in tow I was making all sorts of new friends. Anyway, this one couple came up and started to talk with me. One of the guys was talking about San Francisco and the local SOMA scene and everything out of his mouth was Bear this and Bear that. Lone Star this and bartender that. International Bear Association this and that. We started talking about particular people we both knew, and you know what? I honestly thought for all his jargon and spin he had the most shallow and sexually objectified concept of what a Bear is. A view of a Bear as a body type, a sex object, but with no respect of "what it means". blah blah blah

So the straight couple walks in with Jason FINALLY and we talk and have a few beers and enjoy the sunshine and Jason unwrapping his Birthday presents. The woman gives me a big hug, suddenly out of nowhere, and exclaims how great it is to see me in my element and so relaxed. I'm just sitting there hanging around in my Leather jacket and boots and the same old jeans from yesterday. I aint wearin nothing really all that different from a million times before at the Eagle or anywhere else for that matter.

I have been trying for some time to get Jason a new pair of boots and I asked the couple if they had been to Stompers. The woman’s eyes lit up when I explained to her it was a fetish boot store and I wanted Jason to get a new pair of boots. In a flash we were off and headed around the corner to Stompers. Well, as usual, nothing for Jason but boot socks and laces, I wound up with a new pair of Wesco Highliners and the woman got a pair of those buckle boots. Ca-ching. While we were there Mr. S was mentioned, the store just moved closer around the corner and the couple wanted to go there.

The new Mr. S store is huge and now includes Madame S and all the toys and accoutrements that are now in easy reach. Not jumbled together in the back as they used to be. Though not as much Fetters in sight anymore and I miss the Heartwood floggers they used to carry. Oh, well I guess we'll have to wait till Folsom Street Fair or Dore Alley for those now. The woman ran off to the brassieres and outfits section of Madame S. The guy and myself looked at restraints and collars and Jason found a new pair of Leather suspenders.

But this clerk there... let me give you a picture... bare chest, nice muscles and tats, shiny Leather pants and he smelled like he had not bathed in two or three days or since his last workout, prancing around the store like he would suddenly start a Broadway review any minute, nothing new from my experience. But... he kept following Jason around sniffing loudly. Again, someone who obviously wore Leather and liked Leather sex (Maybe a little too much.) but who had no clue when it came to “what it all meant” and how you should respect yourself and others in it.

See there I go again, going on about Leather Protocol and the rules. But hear me out... I was taught to respect the Men in Leather just as I respect Men whom are Bears. Don't fuck with them or poke them unless you want your head torn off starting at the kneecaps. I have respect for the Person I am with or with whom I would want to be with as a Man, BEFORE I have respect for them as a Top or Master or Partner. I treat them, as I would myself want to be treated. Not dismissively as some sex object or some form of fetish object but as a Man with whom I want to listen to and understand their personal limits, their wants and needs to get to know if I could possibly provide them.

I respect Jason as I respected John, two very different Men. Two very separate sets of wants and needs but both very hard working, very hard playing, working class Men with a very strict sense of pride and who would fucking pound your ass against a wall in a rage if you do not respect them as Men first and foremost. That may seem somewhat violent to you or the person who is foolish enough to cross them, but it's perfectly understandable to me. John loved me dearly and Jason, well Jason has a heart that is so loving, and not just in regards to myself, he would have every stray animal in the neighborhood living at our house if I'd let him.

I guess I like my Men like this Bear here, someone I can respect and love, someone that you are allowed to hug and kiss and be all mushy with, but also someone with a clearly understood edge that you only cross at your own risk. Keep it real. - Dickie